Soft Foods and Long Walks.

First let me say,

I am surprised how many of you are reading this blog!

I am amazed at how many people in life are so interested in this journey. 

Seriously, unexpected. 

Welcome-but unexpected. 

This week went by too fast and before I know it, people are asking me

"Why haven't you blogged???" 

and I'm like...

"Oh ya! Its been over a week....I'm on it!"

This week was the my first week that I have entered what we call 

"Phase 3" of the post-op diet. 

This means I can eat soft solids.

(This includes deli meats, cottage cheese, low fat cheese etc...) 

I am supposed to focus on protein foods,

so I have been eating a lot of deli meats and cheese.

Ooooooh was I excited to eat deli meats.

That last leg of the liquid diet had me DYING.

I was CRAVING protein.

For some reason my thumb sized tummy would hurt every time I tried to drink protein shakes,

and my surgeon let me off the hook and said "if it hurts, don't force yourself to drink it".

I feel like after being on an "all liquid diet" for an entire month, 

its easy to stick to any other type of diet. 

This week I have been eating a lot of:

eggs

light cheese sticks

deli meats

cottage cheese

yogurt

and my calcium chews (from Costco and taste like candy) 

I told my best friend Emmalee about my diet,

and she started to laugh, 

because it is basically the opposite of what she eats.

(shes a vegan)

Lots of meat and cheese.

It's been my on-going joke that diet is almost exact opposite of the food pyramid they taught me in elementary school:

They taught us:

LOTS OF GRAINS!

FRUITS AND VEGGIES! 

A BIT OF DAIRY 

HAVE SOME PROTEIN!

After gastric bypass your diet is more:

LOTS OF PROTEIN!

 (60 g a day! Exhausting for this thumb sized tummy!)

EAT THAT CHEESE!

LIMIT YOUR FRUITS AND VEGGIES!

NO CARBS ALLOWED!

Weird, right? 

It feels backwards, but it makes sense.

I can get nutrients that you need from fruits and veggies from multi-vitamins,

but you can't "fake" protein. 

So with the limited space I have,

gotta focus on 'dat protein. 

Truth me told,

I'm still malnourished,

and dehydrated. 

I get lightheaded any time I stand up too quickly.

Its hard to eat and drink all that I am supposed to!

I would essentially have to be consuming something 24/7

and that's just not easy. 

I had been feeling really good. 

I had been walking the dog and it seemed to be going well.

So a few days ago, while I was walking, 

and feeling good,

I decided to keep walking.

I ended up walking 2 miles.

At first this felt like a victory,

until I came home and essentially crashed for the rest of the day

and it wiped me clean for at least the next two days.

geeeeez.

2 steps forward, one step back.

I've also started feeling sick this week.

I eat try something new,

I eat something a little too fast,

and I puke. 

Not fun. 

On the plus side,

I've already dropped a LOT of weight.

30 pounds in one month.

Can't complain,

but don't you dare think it came easy.

It came with a lot of sacrifices 

and a lot of tears. 

This is definitely not the easy way,

but it's proving to be effective.

I love feeling like the worst is behind me.

I will slowly learn what I can handle and what I can't,

which will lead to less sickness. 

I get less and less sore every day.

I can do more and more every day,

and so the transition continues.

#awkwardbathroomselfies 

1 week checkup and progress

Yesterday I had my one week check up with my surgeons office.

It was great for multiple reasons:

1- I finally got out of the house. 

2- Because I was leaving, I got showered 

(which takes 3 times longer than before)

 and actually got ready for the day. 

Hair, make up, the works. 

Even my mom couldn't help but say

"You look like yourself again"

..... Thanks? 

3- I got to ask my surgeon some of my questions

4- HE SAID I COULD START PHASE 3 OF MY DIET ON SUNDAY!

Oh I am so excited. 

I basically knew that I would be ok to move forward,

but after basically a whole month 

surviving solely on liquids,

I'm excited to move one step closer to "normal" food.

5- I got my drain out. 

(try not to get grossed out by this)

A tube was sticking out of my stomach since surgery,

and I normally didn't notice it,

but for the last few days it had started feeling a bit uncomfortable.

I was surprised that it really didn't hurt to pull it out.

He basically just had to clip the stitches that was holding it in place

and pull.

As I lay there and watched him pull on this tube, 

I was surprised mostly by the length. 

I guess I just imagined that it was a short tube,

but it ended up being about the length of my forearm!

THAT WAS IN ME! 

Other updates:

- I have become easily BORED. 

I am just not accustomed to "doing nothing" 

I try to stay busy, but I am just not used to so much unstructured time.

I am also SO BORED with my diet.

Sugar free pudding, sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles,

soups. So much soup.

Did I mention I'm excited for Sunday? 

- I no longer sleep all day.

- I have even gone some days without pain meds! 

(some days I am taking it every 4 hours on the hour, but hey... baby steps)

-My mom says she can already noticed that I look thinner.

I'm always the last to notice,

 but I guess that's a good sign.

-I don't handle the protein shakes very well,

but my surgeon said that if it's giving me a stomach ache, 

to not worry about it until I can handle it.

Hallelujah. 

One week surgiversary reflections

One week down, 

an entire lifetime to go.

Its definitely been an interesting week to say the least.

-it felt fairly short because the hospital experience seemed so fast

- I also slept through a lot of this week

-This week definitely had it's ups and downs.  It was filled with gratitude and frustration. 

-I hated that I couldn't sleep on my side. Luckily the last two nights I have been able to. :)

- I am super dehydrated right now. I'm trying to work on this but it can be hard when it hurts to ingest just about everything. Including water.

-I've hated going to bed because waking up is awful. I'm usually in a lot of pain because my medication has worn off, and its painful to get out of bed. It seems to get easier everyday  though

-I am probably also malnourished. Another thing I am working on. Again, its hard to ingest anything, and I rarely have an appetite, so usually I am just force feeding myself 3 spoonfuls of soup. 

- Today I went outside for the first time all week. It felt good to sit outside while my mom worked in the yard.

-I also have had a lot more energy today than usual. This is great. Being up, and around the house, taking a shower (which is surprisingly exhausting), and spending sometime outside felt really good.

- It's hard for me to be patient in general, but especially during the recovery process. 

- I've been eating only liquids for exactly 3 weeks now. That's almost an entire month. I am proud that I have not cheated, not even once, but man oh man am I BORED with liquid foods.

-I've been so grateful my doctor ordered me to take a month off of work. Even though I frequently get bored, and I am missing out on a lot of money, its so nice to not feel rushed getting better. 

This time is my time. 

- I don't know how I could have survived this week without my mom. I am so glad that she works from home and can literally lay in bed with me all day while she is working.  Literally any thing I need anything she is there for me. She is also awesome of keeping track of my meds since I'm usually too sleepy/ loppy to remember. 

-Here is a picture from when I finished a whole pudding cup 

#proud #hotmess

Mental Breakdown #1

Surgery is a painful thing.

This post is dedicated to setting aside the "oh how wonderful"s 

and focus on the real.

When I was in the hospital I impressed myself with how well I was handling the pain.

By Wednesday I thought to myself "Oh, I can totally go home today".

Some things I did not consider when I made this assessment:

1. I was given Morphine every 2 hours almost to the minute. If I even so much as whimpered, all I had to do was push a button and someone came rushing in to almost immediately relieve that pain.  

2. I would not have Morphine at home

3. The prescription pain killers they would give me would take longer to kick in and I would be able to use them less frequently than the morphine. 

4. I would no longer have an IV to keep me hydrated. 

I started Wednesday just feeling great.

I did a couple laps around the nurses station that we could almost consider struts. 

I was able to get myself in and out of bed almost without help,

and I was able to stay awake longer than the other two days. 

I felt like I was ready to go home.

So went its time to release me, 

they disconnect my IV

give me a prescription,

and send me on my merry little way.

When we get home I take my usual nap, 

and I sink so far into my dad's side of my parents bed that I'm sure passerby's would have thought I was fused to the thing. 

And the thing is, that when I sink into the bed 

its really hard to adjust from there. 

So I'm basically stuck in one position for multiple hours.

Not always bad, but if I fall asleep for multiple hours without moving,

I wake up with not only abdominal pains but also back and neck kinks. 

Wednesday evening this exact thing happened,

when I woke up I was in a lot of pain. 

My pain medicine had worn off, and my back and neck were cramped up so bad

that no matter what position I was in, 

I was in so much pain.

Lean forward- back relief, abdomen pain

Lean back, abdomen relief, serious back relief. 

Get up- pain all over.

I asked for my mama nurse to get me some meds stat! 

She regretfully informed me that it had only been 3 hours since I had taken it 

and I was going to have to wait another hour.

I groaned and tried to get comfortable.

Which only lasted about 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes I seriously LOST it.

I was a hot mess.

I hurt everywhere.

I was exhausted, 

emotional,

and I seriously didn't think I could handle waiting another hour.
I started crying so hard that my parents tried to lay me down the couch with my legs up so that I could maybe relieve some of the pressure on my back while laying down.
As everyone was surrounded me and trying so kindly to help me get comfortable,
Lucy our dog could tell I was in distress and in an effort to sooth me,
jumped on my stomach.

Then, I really lost it.
The real meltdown began and it  looked a little too much like these:

(Imagine that the bottle is full of my pain medication) 

But only Miranda could really understand me:

Not a pretty sight. 

It got to the point where it hurt to cry and breathe because I was so tense.

After the hour was up, 

I was given my sweet(/actually the nastiest tasting) elixir and felt relief. 

Soon, exhausted from the melt down, I feel asleep for the night.

But no need to worry folks! 

Then next morning my mom called my nurse. 

We found out that because my medication doesn't have any Tylenol in it, 

that if it starts to wear off at 3 hours that I can take (liquid) Tylenol to ease the pain for the last hour 

so we don't have another "episode".

The embarrassing part

Disclaimer: This post is incredibly embarrassing and a little bit T.M.I. (Too much information). In an effort to share my experiences, I think its important to share things that are not always comfortable or exciting. If you are easily embarrassed, you don't know me that well, or are a future potential dating prospect please do not read this post. 

So here is the deal:

My surgery was what we call Laparoscopic which means they make multiple small incisions

(which I will not post pictures of)

and they use tiny little instruments to cut my stomach out. 

This is awesome because instead of having to cut me all the way open,

I basically will only have a few smaller scars.

Rockin' and Rollin'. 

To make sure that the tiny instruments get the job done 

first, they fill my abdomen up with a gas so they can have lots of room. 

When the surgery is done, they try to get as much of the gas out as possible.... but....

some of it has to come out naturally.

On Monday, I honestly didn't feel that different,

but Tuesday and Wednesday had me feeling like Aunt Marge

Honestly it was super uncomfortable and a bit painful.

And no matter what I did, I just could not get any of it out. 

Seriously though it wasn't pleasant. 

My nurses insisted that all I would have to do is to get out of my bed and get moving 

and the rest would come naturally.

But let me tell you, simply walking around was not cutting it.

As weird as it sounds I think that part of the problem 

is that I still can't say I completely understand my own anatomy. 

Plus it didn't help that the Timehop dinosaur was totally taunting me.

Are you kidding me Timehop? 

Are you trying to make me feel even more frustrated with the situation? 

Rude.

By the time that evening came around, there was seriously too much pressure and it was painful.

This is about the time that my dad, my aunt Grace, cousin Isabella, 

and the brother in law Casey came to visit. 

My dad had me sitting on couch patting my back like he was trying to burp a baby

ok, because honestly that is exactly what he was doing.

Grace and Isabella thought the whole things was hysterical.

Before I knew what was happening they were chanting

"fart! fart! fart!" 

with the door wiiiiiide open for the entire floor to hear.

Next came the paper towel "inspirational" posters trying to motivate me.
"fart on"
"get the fart out!"
and simply just
"fart!"
Now I wish I had taken pictures, but I think I was so embarrassed that I didn't even consider it.

#awkward.

Surgery and the Hospital

Monday:

I was so excited the day of surgery. 

This might be a terrible comparison, but it felt kinda like the day went into the MTC.

Something I have waited for so long, and the day had finally come! 

My check in time to the hospital wasn't until noon.

12 o'freakin'clock.

I just wanted to pace up and down. So many jitters and I was ready and just waiting around.

I took my shower, did my hair and got ready

mostly to pass the time, partially because apparently I'm incredibly vain. 

Finally it was time to go. So we loaded up the car and off we went.

Check in was easy and casual. 

Signing in, filing out paperwork, blood tests, blah blah blah.

nothing exciting. 

Until I was lead into:

Pre op.

My nurse in Pre-op was so sweet. She gave me the sexiest purple gown and underwear of my life. 

My mom and I were giggling so much we had to take pictures. 

(if you are easily offended by underwear pictures please close your eyes here)

Oh yeah. Werkin it.

So not only was the purple gown super attractive it was also inflatable.

Yes. Inflatable.

You might notice that the purple gown has funny flaps that have connections to a warm ventilator tube.

The ventilator inflates my gown with warm air to keep me toasty before throwing me on the table. 

This is called the "Bear Paw" because apparently being wrapped in bear paws is both comforting and soothing. 

Actually it's a pretty cool concept.  

We waited and waited until it was finally time.

My mom left for the surgery waiting area, and I was wheeled off to:

Holding.

After sitting and warming yourself in the "Bear Paw" you are wheeled to Holding where you wait for your turn to be wheeled into the O.R. 

When I arrived to holding there was only one other gentleman who looked was either asleep or dead. 

Luckily a few minutes later one of the nurses went to talk to him, and we woke right up. 

Not that I was ease dropping but it seemed like he was going to have knee surgery.

After a short while, they rolled in a guy around my age (or maybe a little older) 

who I later learned was named Devin. 

As we were all just laying there staring at the ceiling,

it became quite evident that some of us were more calm than others.

I was completely fine.

The older man seemed to be trying to stay calm thinking of other things.

Devin was not handling the situation so well.

I learned quickly that this was not his first surgery. 

He asked me what I was having surgery, and I told him, then I asked him the same thing.

"They will be taking out a bone graph from my hip and then placing it in my neck"

he said as he rubbed the skin behind his right ear. 

He also told me that they had done this before to reconstruct the lip and jaw bone directly under his nose,

and that they were going to have to wire his jaw shut for 6 weeks again.

"Wasting another 3 months of my life" he groaned.

I was going to ask him a little more about his situation when we mentioned that the "relaxation" drug they had given him was making him dizzy and he soon fell asleep.

About 5 minutes later his Anesthesiologist came in to explain that he would need an epidural, and a feeding tube through his nose .

He instantly began to beg for a smaller tub, since the last time he had to be tub fed, 

they had ripped his nostril. 

Owwwww.

Suddenly I felt very grateful. Not only had I chosen this surgery, 

but I compared to this kid, my recovery would be quick.

Before long, my Anesthesiologist came in and explained easily the simple procedures he would use to keep me out of pain and asleep in surgery. 

Then they wheeled me off to the Operation Room.

The O.R.

I literally only having about a 10 second memory of the O.R.

A very bright, white room with country music playing. 

No gallery for other surgeons to watch like in Grey's anatomy. 

I guess my surgery isn't exciting enough, whatever.  

I finally saw my surgeon, and he asked me if I liked the music,

I said that I didn't have to listen to it, so I didn't really care what they listened to. 

He chuckled, slipped on my oxygen mask...

and I was gone. 

My next memory was groaning as the transportation guy was wheeling me to my room. 

I could see my mom in front of me, and I was moaning in pain and internally felt a little like this:

The Penthouse.

By the time they rolled me into my room, they kept telling my mom that I had scored the "penthouse" room.

It felt more like an awkwardly shaped long and skinny room, 

and it wasn't until later that I understood what they meant.  

I was just groaning and begging for pain meds. 

My nurses kept telling me that I could have meds in 15 minutes.

THAT SEEMED LIKE A LIFETIME AWAY! 

As soon as I was given morphine I was knocked out again. 

Next, I remember my dad coming in to say hello. 

For the rest of the day I was groggy and and in and out of consciousness.

I felt like I was awake probably way more than I was actually awake. 

Mostly I had my parents conversing with my nurses to see how I was doing.

They would ask me all the time to rate my pain on of 1-10.

Everytime they would ask it would remind me of this pain scale from the popular blog Hyperbole and a Half. 

As taken from Hyperbole and a Half:

0:  Hi.  I am not experiencing any pain at all.  I don't know why I'm even here.

1:  I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

2:  I probably just need a Band Aid.

3:  This is distressing.  I don't want this to be happening to me at all.

4:  My pain is not f**ing around.

5:  Why is this happening to me??

6:  Ow.  Okay, my pain is super legit now.

7:  I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.  

8:  I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain.  I might actually be dying.  Please help.

9:  I am almost definitely dying.

10:  I am actively being mauled by a bear.

11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.

Too Serious For Numbers:  You probably have ebola.  It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.

I often found myself bouncing between a 4 and an 8. 

Luckily, I had a IV with a morphine that would almost instantly relieve any discomfort. 

The first night my nurses were angelic. Well, Okay, all the nurses were so good to me, but my set the first night were my favorite. Always bringing my new medicine when I needed it, new icepacks when mine had melted, and genuinely caring for me all through the night.

I found it a little humorous that I had had such a hard time keeping my eyes open during the day, but during the night, when I should be sleeping I would be wide awake every 2 hours when my morphine would wear off.

Tuesday

Tuesday was a great day in the hospital. 

I was so lucky to have so many visitors! I wasn't expecting any! 

My Aunt Laura, Uncle Herb, Lauren, Dad, Aunt Kate, Grandma and Grandpa Patterson, Shelby, Casey, Grace and Isabella.
I felt so much love, but I also felt bad because I wasn't exactly fun to be around since I was so groggy. 

The worst part of the hospital. 

On Tuesday I also had to do a swallow test. 

Essentially, they had me swallow some dye in front of an x-ray and then they would watch the liquid go down making sure that I didn't have any leaks.

I knew that they would be coming to get me, and my two hours of my morphine were up. 

I was hoping to get my pain meds before they would take me down. 

I called the nurse and they said they would bring some morphine, but before they could come down, transportation was there to take me to radiology. 

As I went downstairs to get my x-ray I could feel the pain setting in and I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. But I could make it, right?

When I got down there, I started talking to the girl in radiology and asked how often they found leaks.
If they found a leak, they were going to have to put me on the table again to sew up the leak!

I was relieved when she told me that in her entire time working at that hospital, they had never seen a leak from my surgeon. This brought me a lot of comfort.  

I had to stand in front of the X-ray and drink the naaasssty dye  as they would quickly take x-rays.
Seriously, so terribly

The problem is that they this dye is GROSS and it would burn all the way down, and it was almost too much for my thumb sized stomach to handle.
Plus, because my meds were wearing off and I had to stand,
I was shaking and thought I was going to pass out.
They made me do it multiple times, which was making me worried that something was wrong.
I could tell that they were looking at something on the x-ray, but wouldn't tell me anything until my surgeon could get me results.
So I'm in pain, and now totally stressed out that I have a leak.
A few hours later, my surgeon sent a message up that he wasn't going to be able to come up to give me the results. The good news was that I do not have a leak
 but apparently I was born with a little pouch where my esophagus and my new stomach connect.
Eventually I will need to have it surgically removed, but luckily that day is not today, or in the near future.
I wish I had taken a picture of it, because it actually looks really cool.

Oh man.
I am impressed that you have made it this far in this incredibly long blog post.
I could and probably should write more, but Im just so groggy.
I have literally tried to write this post for 2 days straight, but I just keep falling asleep.

Two blog posts coming up soon:
The embarrassing part,
and
Major Meltdown numero uno. 

Night before surgery

Tomorrow's the big day!

I can't believe it's already here!

People keep asking if I'm nervous, 

but I'm not! 

Not even close!

I'm excited! 

My life is changing.

I mean, I get that this is a really big deal,

and a pretty serious surgery,

but I also feel like I've waited a long time for this.

I'm just so excited that it's finally happening. 

I know that it's going to be hard,

especially the next couple of days.

I also know that I am maybe a little bit too optimistic,

meaning that I am maybe not accepting how hard this is going to be.

But I would rather be excited than scared at this point.

My cute friend Kaylie brought over the cutest care package. 

It was filled with all sorts of "liquid diet" and post op goodies:

Nail polish, crystal light, pineapple gum, and other fun things.

In her own words: "There is no such thing as a 'yay surgery!' balloon".

I am so grateful that I have supportive people in my life. 

Almost everyone is so excited for me and knows that this is going to make my life better.

I am so grateful for that. 

Here is the official "before" photo as taken by my nurse:

excuse the gross Dr.'s office lighting and the funny way this photo is framed

See you on the other side folks! 

(get it? May 4th....) 

All Liquid Diet- Day 12

Allllll liquid. 

Allllll the time.

 Day 12. 

WOW.

Day 12! 

It's actually a crazy cool feeling to think that I have been doing this "all liquid" thing for 12 whole days.

Motivating, you know?

Like- It's okay that sometimes its still hard, because I've been strong for 

12 whole days!

I had a group meeting with my surgeons nurse and all of his wls patients for may,

only 3 out of 7 of us showed up.

Isn't that weird? 

I don't know if its just me, but I feel like I want to know everything I can before this surgery

even though most of it was a review of everything we had learned from the nutritionist, exercise therapist and psychologist, I still wanted to clarify all my questions and really just understand as much as possible. 

I found out that my arrival time for surgery isn't until noon! 

I can't consume anything (even mints or gum) the entire day before I get surgery,

and I feel like my surgery will be a little late in the day,

which is a bummer, 

but I'm pretty sure that the hospital forgot to put me on the surgery schedule so I am last...

but whatever. I'm just excited to do it. 

Only a couple more days!