Back to Weight Watchers

I was 13 the first time that I signed up for Weight Watchers.

Ya, I was always heavy, 

and knew from a young age that weight would be a lifetime battle.

But even then, I was already heavy enough that being a healthy weight seemed out of reach.

Regardless I always liked the Weight Watchers program.

I like having weekly motivational meetings-

it sometimes felt like group therapy.

I need to hold my self accountable daily and weekly

The point system was a good way to do that. 

I say I signed up for the first time when I was 13

because I've re-enrolled multiple times. 

Which is fine- this is a journey.
I sure as heck didn't get it right the first thousand times.

Since my Gastric Bypass surgery in May I've lost a total of 85 pounds,

which is exciting! 

Those 85 pounds did not come off as easily as some like to think.

Gastric Bypass is not an easy way out,

Any weight loss surgery is a tool- not a cop out. 

I've worked my butt off.

When I do what I am supposed to do- I lose.

When I don't- I don't. 

Well.... lets just say that by the time "the holidays" came around I was burning out,

I convinced myself that I deserved little cheats and gave myself excuses.

I could feel old habits creeping back into my life and I started to get scared.

I have not come this far just to put back the weight. 

I knew I needed a little more motivation to push past my stall,

I miss my trainer, but I just couldn't fork over the money to work out with her right now. 

But I knew I needed something, anything that would get me 

"back in the saddle".

I've gone back to Weight Watchers. 

I'll admit- the day I walked back into the American Fork location,

I felt weird.

Part of me felt like I had been defeated -

"I should have this figured out by now- I shouldn't have to pay someone to motivate me- I've motivated myself all last year- You've done this before- Will things ever change?". 

Part of me felt annoyed

"You shouldn't have to pay for support and for motivation- why can't you just pull yourself together?"

But part of me felt humble enough to just stay.

"Try it again for just one month" I told myself. 

So I did. 

I sat through the first meeting and felt uncomfortable and a little bit in denial. 

But I just kept thinking

"If you feel like it isn't helping in a month you don't have to return".

I tracked my points all week. 

It was embarrassing the foods I had reintroduced into my life.

I hated that I had to detox a little the first couple of days. 

I hated that my carb/sugar addiction had been coming back,

but I am officially holding myself accountable.

The program has changed. 

During my years with Weight watchers I have done:

The Flex program

The Core program

Points Plus

and now we've made our way to

Smart Points.

(I've probably seen others, but I can't remember them in this moment)

Plus- Oprah.

I'm impressed with the changes to the program,

encouraging more "whole" foods and protein,

adding points to items with low calories but high in sugar/fat.

It just seems like a smarter Weight Watchers. 

Heh.... I guess that's why they are called Smart Points. Good one Lex. 

So I finally had my first returning weigh-in yesterday.

I had made an effort to now weigh myself the entire week,

so I was happily suprised when they announced that I was down

5.8 pounds. 

In one week. 

I haven't lost that much in one week since the all-liquid/ immediately after surgery days. 

That is more than I've lost since... cough.... the holidays began. 

Finally the weirdness left and I was excited to be back.

I need support.

I need accountability.

And even if I had an incredible weight-loss surgery, 

I shouldn't feel ashamed of needing those things. 

This is a journey. Still a transition. 

Sometimes I need to re-remind myself.

I sure as heck do not have this figured out.

But it's more figured out than it was before.

I am SO CLOSE to my 100 mark. 

And for once in my life- it seems like I might make it there.