"I want to be your friend"

Major Milestone- 50 pounds down

Today's a big deal.

As of today I am officially down 50 pounds since I began this journey.

50 pounds down since I started my 2 week pre-op all liquid diet.

Its been an emotional journey,

and just as mental as physical. 

Weightloss is definitely a mind game. 

Some days I totally see a difference and I am motivated by results,

others I feel discouraged because I don't feel like I "look like" I"ve lost 50 pounds. 

Even though these pictures are not "full body" they help me see a 50 pound weight loss difference.

The picture on the left was taken days before my "all liquid diet" started.

The picture of the left was taken a week ago

One thing that I have really been focusing on lately

(and that I am sure has finally pushed me through the plateau and getting to this major milestone)

is working out at the gym, and signing up for a personal trainer.

Now, do I really have the money for a personal trainer? 

No, no I don't.

But I am so glad I'm making sacrfices to do it.

She pushes me and motivates me to get things done on my own. 

She also makes me look about 7 feet tall in this picture.

please ignore the "post workout sweaty/fuzz hair"

Remember the picture on the left? 

Pre-op compared to yesterday

#thatbaggyshirttho

Thanks again for everyone's support. 

Thanks for the love and the well wishes.

And now, for some celebatory GIFs:

THIS VIDEO IS ON POINT.

Excuse the language, but I relate to this video on so many points.

So, really, how could I NOT post it? 

Truth is....

I wrote most of this list on a harder night. 

A night I was feeling pretty emotional.

I want you to know that it's not always bad,

but in an effort to "keep it real"

here is a list of truths. 

Truth is..... 

...sometimes i notice a big difference and sometimes i don't

....I wonder if people only say i "look good" out of politeness

...sometimes I have i have a hard time believing i could ever be healthy and my goal weight

...I still crave diet coke every single day

....Sometimes i get discouraged

....Sometimes i feel motivated

....Sometimes i run without wanting to stop

....Sometimes I watch the clock on the treadmill my entire work out

...Sometimes i just want to indulge...

...and I get mad when I can't.

...I get defensive when someone tries to tell me what I can and can't eat without getting sick.

...Periods are way harder post op

...It is definitely not the easy way out

...It's hard not to focus on the numbers on a scale

....It's hard not compare to other wls patients

....I'm not patient with myself at all

....Mental barriers are the hardest

...Addictions aren't always apparent

....Self control is hard.

...I worry that people judge me too much.

...I Sometimes feel frustrated

....Sometimes i feel liberated

...I wonder if I'm actually worth the money it cost

....I really want to love running.

....This journey isn't always ideal.

....I cry. A lot.

....It's hard to talk about. And hard to put into words.

....I'm a hot mess.

These are a few of my favorite things {June 2015}

One of my favorite things is to watch girls on YouTube publish monthly videos of their monthly favorites. They always give me a good idea as to products I should try and things that I might like, so I figure, why not do the same thing here? 

We all could use some favorite things in our lives! 

We all could be healtheir!
So I would like to formally intoduce to you the series:

My Favorite Things- Monthly Favorites 

I will try to keep the focus on things that are WLS related, or things that motivate me to keep moving,

but sometimes I might throw in a couple "randoms"

Its my blog, and I'll write what I want to.

So without further ado, June 2015's favorite things:

-Mio Strawberry Pineapple

Because if I'm not drinking Diet Coke (aka. BAE) then I gotta get my caffine somewhere,
 #amiright?
Found at most major grocery stores
-Having a routine

-Dollar tree cups

These little puppies are my go-to all day, every day. 

I still struggle getting my water in everyday, but I've found drinking ice water from a straw 

(usually with the MIO or Crystal Light drops) help keep me sippin'. 

Plus, they are litterally a dollar at Dollar tree, so if you lose one, who even cares? 

Found at Dollar Tree

-Couch to 5k app

I've talked about this app before, but I am honestly LOVING it.
It's seriously the only thing that can get me to get on the treadmill some days.
It's motivating because I honestly feel accomplished seeing myself improve and I don't get overwhelmed in the first few days thinking that I will never be able to finish.
Basically: ITS DO-ABLE
Totally recommended for any "Non-runner" hoping to get into shape.
Feel free to pair with your favorite playlist. Here's mine.
Available for Android and Apple

-"Stinky cheese omlettes"
(As named by my youngest brother, not me)
Picture one: Mix one egg into frying pan and begin cooking "omlette style"
Picture two: add freshly crumbled feta cheese to begin melting on one half

Picture three: Add Salsa (Mine is a very yummy mix I found at the farmers market that includes tomatoes, basil, garlic, and onion- similar to bruchetta found here) add a little more feta cheese to melt.

Picture four: Fold over omlette, flip, and allow cheese to melt.

 *Note: I can rarely finish this entire omlette, but it tastes so good that I can't stop making it.

-Cooked Shrimp with cocktail sauce

 I usually can only eat about 5 with sauce for lunch, but its a great way for me to get some extra protien in, and its super easy-all I have to do is defrost!

-Costa Vida salads without rice, tortilla, or chips + extra meat

 With the extra portion of meat, the "small salad" is a great dinner that usually lasts me about two days. The beans, and meat choice are great to get that extra protien in, and it just tastes so dang good. I'm really lucky that I can tolerate lettuce, because I know that many that have had WLS can't- especially this early on.

-Beef Jerky

A great snack choice when I am needing some extra protien (ok, like every single day) and I can keep it in my purse or bag to carry around with me. Nice to have non-refridgerated options. 

-The Sweaty Betty Instagram page (HUUUGE inspiration)

Ok so there are LOTS of new WLS girls that I have started to follow on Instagram, and I am SO glad I found them. They really just motivate me to become better every single day and they give me the inspiration I need so badly when I feel like giving up. There are multiple girls I could share with you, but I figure I will pick one "favorite" a month. This month is Betty from @thesweatybetty. She posts multiple times a day and always keeps it so real and so motivational. Even if you aren't a WLS patient, but are looking for some healthy (not obsessive) motivation on your Instagram feed, look her up.
This could almost count as a #wcw.


What were some of your favorites from June?
Also, feel free to add me:
tumblr
Myfitnesspal
fitbit

Back to work, back to life.

My one month surgaversery has come and gone,

which offically means,

its time to go back to work. 

I work at the kind of job where you meet lots of people,

and you stand on your feet for 8 hours a day.
After being in bed for a month, I would be lying if I didn't say that I sometimes feel like this:

But its so great to be back to work and back to "normal" life.

Last week I had a really great visit with the nurse from my surgeons office.
I expressed my conserns about the "stall" in my weighloss for the last two weeks.
She assured me that "I was doing great" to "stick with it" and "be patient"
but my favorite part was that she said
"This is normal".
What? Even with WLS you can hit plateaus?
#thingsIwishtheywould'vesaidbefore
She told me to think of my weightloss as more of a stair case downward than a hill.
I will loose some, stall while my body is figuring it all out,
then loose some, then stall,
then loose and so on.
This brought me a lot of comfort.
I had felt like I was being so careful and not seeing the results that I wanted.
So, just like with everything else in this world,
Lexi's gotta learn more patience.

About a month and a half out updates: 
-I have cut out fruit and as many carbs as possible.

#scarytrue

The nurse mentioned that I might have "jumped the gun" introducing fruits to my diet, thus, causing plateau.
And so, I mostly eat protien, veggies, and dairy (cheeeese).

-My new favorite thing is bruchetta and feta omlettes for breakfast
(or as my youngest brother calls it- Stinky cheese omlette)


-I have officially signed up for my first voluntery 5k.
And, of coarse, its right up my diagon alley:
(smirks at my own wit)

I figure it will be a great thing for me to look forward too and work towards a exercise goal.
You know, to get my butt to the gym.
I have been training using the nifty Couch to 5k app,
and it me to listen and jog to this playlist
If you are interested in joining me, sign up here.
(It's in August so you have plenty of time)

-My new phone wallpaper reminds me to not accept mediocraty:

-It's like target GETS me: 

#hearhear

And then there is this: 

P.S. Thanks again for all the love and support! I've come to realize how many people are interested in this journey, and how many questions you might have. I'd love to have an entire post answering your questions, so leave a comment below, or message any questions about weight loss surgery you might have. xoxo

Let this curse be broken.

Can we just start with how hard this made me laugh? 

What a good week it's been. 

It's been the first week that I've started feeling more like myself. 

Ok, not 100% (I still get lightheaded and have some back problems)

but I'm up, and about and working out without wanting to kill myself.

So I'm great! 

It was a really great week, 

and now that I think about it, a lot of things happened. 

Because this is my blog,

and I can write about what I want, 

I'm doing to do a weekly recap. 

If you don't want to read it, 

skip forward, 

don't read it,

I probably won't even notice.

Memorial day:

My youngest two siblings and I had the greatest time with some extended family visiting family graves and enjoying each others company. 

There were donuts and E.L.Fudge cookies a plenty,

chips and sodas galore, 

and I ate my cheese stick and turkey slices.

I felt really tired this day.

Because we spent some quality time at each grave site,

my aunt gave me a camping chair from her van to sit in. 

I spent most of the time sitting because I just felt too tired to stand for that long. 

Later that night, my family had their own BBQ in the backyard with classic hamburgers.

I convinced myself to try to each just a patty

(Maybe hamburger meat could pass as a soft meat?)

but realized quickly after finishing that it was a mistake,

and spent the rest of the night sick. 

(And also playing to coolest game of Betrayal yet) 

Both Wednesday and Thursday I tried Sugar free, concentrate free smoothies at both Jamba and Roxberry. 

Neither of them were anything to get excited about, so I'm on the verge of giving up,

unless someone out there has a tasty suggestion! 

Thursday was my brothers graduation.

Another exciting family activity with loooots of food. 

But luckily Costco's Basil Pesto Tilapia saved the day.

I also FINALLY got my new gym pass at VASA, which I was excited to put to use. 

On Saturday we got a sweeeeet surprise.

My mom's uncle called us early in the morning to invite us on his private plane 

to a family reunion in Southern Utah.

I thought ahead and packed my snacks!

(Cheese stick, ziploc of turkey, even a protien shake just in case)

Since my surgery, I have been more motion sick than I have my entire life,

so I was worried that this little plane would make me violently ill.

We got all the way to escalate and I hadn't vomited once! 

I was feeling so proud of myself until I had to rush over to some bushes to see if I could cough anything up.

Luckily, there was nothing in my stomach to come up, so after a few moments of... coughing.... 

my body finally felt satisfied that I was going to be okay. 

Then I felt fine!

Again, as people around me munched and mingled, 

I enjoyed my cheese stick and my turkey. 

I stole a couple of my baby cousins squeezey applesauce pouches (yum!)

and by the time it was dinner, I was hungry, and had run out of food!

They were having Taco Salad, or Nachos 

and I thought that my best bet would be the Chili because it had some meat and some beans.

I was still worried because I had gotten so sick on Monday from the hamburger meat.

I took just a little bit, and prayed (literally) that I wouldn't get ill in the middle of the woods,

or worse, IN MID-FREAKING-AIR-WHERE THERE IS NO BATHROOMS on our flight home. 

Well, I am here to testify that God answers prayers, 

because I made it safely home without any Chili-induced mayhem. 

Even with my good choices this week, and my new exercising routines,

I have officially plateaued this week.

So. FRUSTRATING.

I really didn't think I would plateau this early in the journey. 

I realize that this is normal, but I'm still not happy. 

Honestly, as it might be that I'm not eating enough, or drinking enough water, or both.

But let me tell you, 

after a month of losing 5 pounds a week, i

its maddening to not loose anything this entire week.
Please, please, please, Let this curse be broken

#firstworldproblems #plateaussuck

Oh! hey! Remember how I was talking about the food pyramid??? 

Like, the NEXT day, I found this and it was just too perfect:

*Go back to working 8 hour shifts (on my feet) and not pass out

*Blog twice a week

*Get to the Gym 3-4x/ week

*Walk the dog days I don't get to the gym

*Track my protein/water intake every freaking day. Seriously though. 

Soft Foods and Long Walks.

First let me say,

I am surprised how many of you are reading this blog!

I am amazed at how many people in life are so interested in this journey. 

Seriously, unexpected. 

Welcome-but unexpected. 

This week went by too fast and before I know it, people are asking me

"Why haven't you blogged???" 

and I'm like...

"Oh ya! Its been over a week....I'm on it!"

This week was the my first week that I have entered what we call 

"Phase 3" of the post-op diet. 

This means I can eat soft solids.

(This includes deli meats, cottage cheese, low fat cheese etc...) 

I am supposed to focus on protein foods,

so I have been eating a lot of deli meats and cheese.

Ooooooh was I excited to eat deli meats.

That last leg of the liquid diet had me DYING.

I was CRAVING protein.

For some reason my thumb sized tummy would hurt every time I tried to drink protein shakes,

and my surgeon let me off the hook and said "if it hurts, don't force yourself to drink it".

I feel like after being on an "all liquid diet" for an entire month, 

its easy to stick to any other type of diet. 

This week I have been eating a lot of:

eggs

light cheese sticks

deli meats

cottage cheese

yogurt

and my calcium chews (from Costco and taste like candy) 

I told my best friend Emmalee about my diet,

and she started to laugh, 

because it is basically the opposite of what she eats.

(shes a vegan)

Lots of meat and cheese.

It's been my on-going joke that diet is almost exact opposite of the food pyramid they taught me in elementary school:

They taught us:

LOTS OF GRAINS!

FRUITS AND VEGGIES! 

A BIT OF DAIRY 

HAVE SOME PROTEIN!

After gastric bypass your diet is more:

LOTS OF PROTEIN!

 (60 g a day! Exhausting for this thumb sized tummy!)

EAT THAT CHEESE!

LIMIT YOUR FRUITS AND VEGGIES!

NO CARBS ALLOWED!

Weird, right? 

It feels backwards, but it makes sense.

I can get nutrients that you need from fruits and veggies from multi-vitamins,

but you can't "fake" protein. 

So with the limited space I have,

gotta focus on 'dat protein. 

Truth me told,

I'm still malnourished,

and dehydrated. 

I get lightheaded any time I stand up too quickly.

Its hard to eat and drink all that I am supposed to!

I would essentially have to be consuming something 24/7

and that's just not easy. 

I had been feeling really good. 

I had been walking the dog and it seemed to be going well.

So a few days ago, while I was walking, 

and feeling good,

I decided to keep walking.

I ended up walking 2 miles.

At first this felt like a victory,

until I came home and essentially crashed for the rest of the day

and it wiped me clean for at least the next two days.

geeeeez.

2 steps forward, one step back.

I've also started feeling sick this week.

I eat try something new,

I eat something a little too fast,

and I puke. 

Not fun. 

On the plus side,

I've already dropped a LOT of weight.

30 pounds in one month.

Can't complain,

but don't you dare think it came easy.

It came with a lot of sacrifices 

and a lot of tears. 

This is definitely not the easy way,

but it's proving to be effective.

I love feeling like the worst is behind me.

I will slowly learn what I can handle and what I can't,

which will lead to less sickness. 

I get less and less sore every day.

I can do more and more every day,

and so the transition continues.

#awkwardbathroomselfies 

1 week checkup and progress

Yesterday I had my one week check up with my surgeons office.

It was great for multiple reasons:

1- I finally got out of the house. 

2- Because I was leaving, I got showered 

(which takes 3 times longer than before)

 and actually got ready for the day. 

Hair, make up, the works. 

Even my mom couldn't help but say

"You look like yourself again"

..... Thanks? 

3- I got to ask my surgeon some of my questions

4- HE SAID I COULD START PHASE 3 OF MY DIET ON SUNDAY!

Oh I am so excited. 

I basically knew that I would be ok to move forward,

but after basically a whole month 

surviving solely on liquids,

I'm excited to move one step closer to "normal" food.

5- I got my drain out. 

(try not to get grossed out by this)

A tube was sticking out of my stomach since surgery,

and I normally didn't notice it,

but for the last few days it had started feeling a bit uncomfortable.

I was surprised that it really didn't hurt to pull it out.

He basically just had to clip the stitches that was holding it in place

and pull.

As I lay there and watched him pull on this tube, 

I was surprised mostly by the length. 

I guess I just imagined that it was a short tube,

but it ended up being about the length of my forearm!

THAT WAS IN ME! 

Other updates:

- I have become easily BORED. 

I am just not accustomed to "doing nothing" 

I try to stay busy, but I am just not used to so much unstructured time.

I am also SO BORED with my diet.

Sugar free pudding, sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles,

soups. So much soup.

Did I mention I'm excited for Sunday? 

- I no longer sleep all day.

- I have even gone some days without pain meds! 

(some days I am taking it every 4 hours on the hour, but hey... baby steps)

-My mom says she can already noticed that I look thinner.

I'm always the last to notice,

 but I guess that's a good sign.

-I don't handle the protein shakes very well,

but my surgeon said that if it's giving me a stomach ache, 

to not worry about it until I can handle it.

Hallelujah. 

One week surgiversary reflections

One week down, 

an entire lifetime to go.

Its definitely been an interesting week to say the least.

-it felt fairly short because the hospital experience seemed so fast

- I also slept through a lot of this week

-This week definitely had it's ups and downs.  It was filled with gratitude and frustration. 

-I hated that I couldn't sleep on my side. Luckily the last two nights I have been able to. :)

- I am super dehydrated right now. I'm trying to work on this but it can be hard when it hurts to ingest just about everything. Including water.

-I've hated going to bed because waking up is awful. I'm usually in a lot of pain because my medication has worn off, and its painful to get out of bed. It seems to get easier everyday  though

-I am probably also malnourished. Another thing I am working on. Again, its hard to ingest anything, and I rarely have an appetite, so usually I am just force feeding myself 3 spoonfuls of soup. 

- Today I went outside for the first time all week. It felt good to sit outside while my mom worked in the yard.

-I also have had a lot more energy today than usual. This is great. Being up, and around the house, taking a shower (which is surprisingly exhausting), and spending sometime outside felt really good.

- It's hard for me to be patient in general, but especially during the recovery process. 

- I've been eating only liquids for exactly 3 weeks now. That's almost an entire month. I am proud that I have not cheated, not even once, but man oh man am I BORED with liquid foods.

-I've been so grateful my doctor ordered me to take a month off of work. Even though I frequently get bored, and I am missing out on a lot of money, its so nice to not feel rushed getting better. 

This time is my time. 

- I don't know how I could have survived this week without my mom. I am so glad that she works from home and can literally lay in bed with me all day while she is working.  Literally any thing I need anything she is there for me. She is also awesome of keeping track of my meds since I'm usually too sleepy/ loppy to remember. 

-Here is a picture from when I finished a whole pudding cup 

#proud #hotmess

Mental Breakdown #1

Surgery is a painful thing.

This post is dedicated to setting aside the "oh how wonderful"s 

and focus on the real.

When I was in the hospital I impressed myself with how well I was handling the pain.

By Wednesday I thought to myself "Oh, I can totally go home today".

Some things I did not consider when I made this assessment:

1. I was given Morphine every 2 hours almost to the minute. If I even so much as whimpered, all I had to do was push a button and someone came rushing in to almost immediately relieve that pain.  

2. I would not have Morphine at home

3. The prescription pain killers they would give me would take longer to kick in and I would be able to use them less frequently than the morphine. 

4. I would no longer have an IV to keep me hydrated. 

I started Wednesday just feeling great.

I did a couple laps around the nurses station that we could almost consider struts. 

I was able to get myself in and out of bed almost without help,

and I was able to stay awake longer than the other two days. 

I felt like I was ready to go home.

So went its time to release me, 

they disconnect my IV

give me a prescription,

and send me on my merry little way.

When we get home I take my usual nap, 

and I sink so far into my dad's side of my parents bed that I'm sure passerby's would have thought I was fused to the thing. 

And the thing is, that when I sink into the bed 

its really hard to adjust from there. 

So I'm basically stuck in one position for multiple hours.

Not always bad, but if I fall asleep for multiple hours without moving,

I wake up with not only abdominal pains but also back and neck kinks. 

Wednesday evening this exact thing happened,

when I woke up I was in a lot of pain. 

My pain medicine had worn off, and my back and neck were cramped up so bad

that no matter what position I was in, 

I was in so much pain.

Lean forward- back relief, abdomen pain

Lean back, abdomen relief, serious back relief. 

Get up- pain all over.

I asked for my mama nurse to get me some meds stat! 

She regretfully informed me that it had only been 3 hours since I had taken it 

and I was going to have to wait another hour.

I groaned and tried to get comfortable.

Which only lasted about 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes I seriously LOST it.

I was a hot mess.

I hurt everywhere.

I was exhausted, 

emotional,

and I seriously didn't think I could handle waiting another hour.
I started crying so hard that my parents tried to lay me down the couch with my legs up so that I could maybe relieve some of the pressure on my back while laying down.
As everyone was surrounded me and trying so kindly to help me get comfortable,
Lucy our dog could tell I was in distress and in an effort to sooth me,
jumped on my stomach.

Then, I really lost it.
The real meltdown began and it  looked a little too much like these:

(Imagine that the bottle is full of my pain medication) 

But only Miranda could really understand me:

Not a pretty sight. 

It got to the point where it hurt to cry and breathe because I was so tense.

After the hour was up, 

I was given my sweet(/actually the nastiest tasting) elixir and felt relief. 

Soon, exhausted from the melt down, I feel asleep for the night.

But no need to worry folks! 

Then next morning my mom called my nurse. 

We found out that because my medication doesn't have any Tylenol in it, 

that if it starts to wear off at 3 hours that I can take (liquid) Tylenol to ease the pain for the last hour 

so we don't have another "episode".